Trashcans and Troglodytes

When was the last time it snowed? 2 weeks ago? Enough for most of the crap to be at least passively cleared from the roads and sidewalks, right? Definitely too long ago to even THINK it would be a good idea to save a parking space with a trash can.

Think again.

It would appear that my across-the-street neighbors continue to find it necessary to place trashcans, recycling bins and other white trash lawn ornaments in every available open spot of asphalt. Seriously. Now, these knuckle draggers are very generally awful - besides loud domestic disputes, taking up two spots on the street to save one for a friend and pushing the snow across the street onto our sidewalk, we actually caught one denizen of that row-house of ill repute kicking another neighbors car because she was having some difficulty parking.

So yeah, some real winners.

Last night, we moved one of the bins and parked our car across the street (in the spot that weeks ago we shoveled out, I might add). Worried about possible retribution, I set up a video camera to record any townie justice (sadly, it ran out of space - we need to delete some races...).

Nothing happened.

We ran bunch of errands today for about four and a half hours and came home to - you guessed it - that fucking recycling bin.

Lots of response methods ran through my head (many of which involved the liberal application of fire), though cooler heads eventually prevailed and we called the cops. BECAUSE IT IS ILLEGAL (not just annoying) TO SAVE SPACES.

The cops said they "couldnt do anything" and to call the mayors office, where apparently a department exists to deal with this sort of thing. Department thusly contacted, we were informed that Boston was "no longer enforcing the law".

What. The. Fuck.

It would appear that the people they contracted to collect all the shit people put on public roads were "occasionally attacked".

Seriously?

The city backed down because of a handful of townie ass clowns assaulted government employees over a few more-or-less shoveled parking spots? I hereby volunteer for the position of "Guy That Removes Peoples Junk From Public Streets And Occasionally Administers An Ass Whipping To The Idiots That Think They Have A Right To Save Spots". Really, guys. I'll do it for free. This has been such an annoying problem in my neighborhood, and the city has repeatedly refused to address it.

Thanks for having our backs, recipients of my tax dollars.

So the take away lesson from all of this is that, as far as I can tell, the city advocates citizens taking matters into their own hands. It would appear that i am to just look for a place to park, much farther away, on another block. And if this escalates (say they mess with my car) I am supposed to... what, respond in kind?

Do not tempt me, Boston.

I actually CAN'T explain that...

I'm usually not much of a meme hound (mostly because I'm too oblivious to "catch them on the ups", as it were) but this Bill O'Reilly one had me laughing to myself all day (and making up various things you just "can't explain").

Example:

Source materials

NB: when I saw this interview (unedited) I literally could not believe a grown man on live television in the year 2011 could actually use tides to prove that God exists. Not the staggering beauty and complexity of life, not the boundless variety and near-infinite wonder of the universe stretching out over all our heads... tides.

Ive said it before, Ill say it again:
Idiocracy: Not a movie, a prophecy.

Cooking with Mike, Part 1.

Ingredients:

7 or so strawberries, frozen.
Big handful of cherries, frozen.
1 banana.
1 apple.
2 or 3 handfuls of seedless grapes.
Handful of chocolate chips.
Almonds
Sunflower seeds
Yogurt
Granola



First, I take the frozen cherries and strawberries out of the freezer and put them in a bowl while I round up the rest of the ingrediedients. This gives them some time to thaw, making it slightly less likely for me to have to dig a paring knife out of my palm.

Once arranged on the table...

I start cutting up all the fruit.

Fruit thusly chopped...

...on to the nuts.

Did you really think I wouldn't need a hammer to make dinner?

Add almonds, sunflower seeds, grapes, granola, chocolate chips.

Now put however much yogurt you need in there. I don't like a soupy pile, I aim for more of a fruit slurry.

Stir that shit.

Fill your pie hole.

Repeat 5 days a week. Which five days? Be flexible - make sure you are eating other stuff on your "off days" (I am partial to hot dogs with cheese) so as to keep things interesting and your meat index above zero. Enjoy, and happy eating!

Tales of Failure and Frustration: Commuting Edition

Part One: Getting To Work.

After a few sweaty hours on the trainer, I headed out to work on my commuter bike. I generally take the esplanade (which comes with its own set of irritants that I will inevitably detail in a later post) but because of the recent snolocaust and Bostons subsequent inability to hire competent plow-monkeys to remove it, I have been forced to ride up (cue ominous music) Commonwealth Avenue.

This does not usually put me in a good mood.

What made this morning special was the fact that I was stranded behind the Worst Cyclist Of All Time. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I can say with some certainty that after much debate and peer review, she has finally been found. Besides being a walking cliche - janky singlespeed conversion, tiny shorts, tights, knee socks, no helmet and more scarves than the 4th doctor - she literally failed at riding. This jackass had absolutely no business operating anything sharper than a pillow or more complicated than a tub of ice cream.

Unfortunately, on Comm ave during College Kid Wake Up and Shamble to Class Time, there is no way to lose anyone unless you are prepared to take on a level of risk completely disproportionate to the reward.

So I was stuck. I would get ahead, slow down for a red light, then be promptly and unceremoniously shoaled. Sometimes, I would even get the dreaded Hipster Look (like The Look sans pathos). Watching her wobble though a red light with one foot dragging on the ground, her bike shaking like a patient on Dr. Katz's couch, I prayed for the statistically inevitable, but alas Boston drivers were more vigilant than usual and neglected to deliver.

I was able to get around again, this time on the BU bridge, but once again fate (this time shaped like a UPS truck parked almost perpendicular to traffic) would intervene. I waited, patiently, for a gap between cars to open so I could continue up the street. Awesome Single Speed Girl sees Bike Racer Guy waiting like a chump, thinks "Aha! This is my chance to show him how good at life I am!"

Can you guess what happened next?

Hmmmm?


Yeah, so the retard in the tights thought she could thread the needle between the UPS truck and the parked cars. However, what little prefrontal cortex existed in that unprotected head of hers must have cried foul: at the last moment, she tried to stop.

But wait! Lo and Behold: Brakes are for Squares! At an incredibly low rate of speed, with all the grace of a frat kid driving home from a super bowl party, the goofball wedged herself between a parked car and the cab of the truck. I could hear, but not see, her attempts to free herself.



My commute went much more smoothly (though with perhaps 30% less hilarity) after that.

Fellow Bike Racers: A (pretty decent, actually) Proposal:

As pretty much anyone reading this thing already knows, I did the Transylvania Epic last year. Anyone who knows that also knows what a pounding I took from bad luck and broken equipment. Regardless of broken bikes and bloody feet, I had such a good experience at the race I'm going back for another shot this may.

And I'm going to make it easier for you to get there.


What... How?

"I AM INTERESTED, BUT SUSPICIOUS!"

Dont worry, reluctant Yankee. I have a proposition that will benefit the both of us.

My proposition is this: I'm headed down there anyway, right? Well it's a pretty boring trip and gas is getting expensive, so why not get some company... I will drive down AND provide transport to and from remote stages in exchange for an equal split of gas money. I will even try NOT to creep you out at truck stops.

"Wow, that sounds great!"

I know, right.

GET IN THE VAN.

Here are my stipulations:

1. I will pick you up anywhere in the greater Boston area.
2. If you live farther than that, but are on the way (like, really on the way - if you live in Camden, you are out of luck. Actually, if you live in Camden, you should think of moving someplace better anyway) I can pick you up.
3. You are less creepy than me.
4. You actually HAVE money to contribute to the gas fund. (I don't mean to be suspicious, I've just been on tour a lot.)
5. I have room for three (3) people, bicycles and gear. Obviously, the more the merrier (or at least cheaper).

Questions? Concerns? Want to tell me how helpful and awesome I am?
Email is coggsci at gmail dot com.

Wants vs. needs.

Today was snowlocaust 2011 part 1. After some shoveling with Greg, I threw on some loud music and jumped on the trainer and beat up my gooch for three and a half hours. HTFU accomplished, I looked at my prospects for the rest of the day.

What I wanted to do was this:

However, this is what my kitchen looked like:

I will leave you with the image of me elbow deep in dishes wearing nothing but compression socks.

(photo not available)

Equipment Evaluation, CX bike edition.

Now that winter is here and we are battening down the hatches for another Snowball Earth, Im going to review X (where X = how much snow we get divided by how much trainer time I cant blow off) products I have used, borrowed, broken or have otherwise had experience with this season.

CX Equipment review, bike:

Bike: CruX Comp, 54cm. Retail: 1750

I bought my new cross bike as a complete setup with the intention of replacing most of the parts, but I rode it for a bit as it came.

Frame: Awesome. Almost flawless - the one (very minor) issue is the weight. She isnt quite "fat girl at Tim Hortons" territory, but could probably lay off the ho-hos and go for a run. The handling, however, more than makes up for it. Combined with a decent, no-frills paint job, bulletproof construction and a solid effort at trying to make the carpet match the curtains - 9/10.

Part spec: A little underwhelming, actually. Other companies have bikes spec'd with Rival at this price point, though the Apex performed adequately. The Roval wheels, while heavy, are apparently indestructable. I regularly take this bike on mountain bike rides (with people on mountain bikes), bunnyhop barricades like I was J-Pows retarded younger brother and crash like its my job. I have yet to need to true either wheel. 7/10

Brakes: Front - passable, but not exceptional. Rear - Dreadful (indeed, it is the dreaded Tektro Oryx of Infinite Malajustment). However, that magic brake finger attached to the fork COMPLETELY eliminates chatter and is a definite improvement to any set of cantis. - 4/10 (2 of those points for the magic brake finger)

Drivetrain: Like I said, I was initially underwhelmed by the appearance of an Apex group on a bike approaching 2000 dollars, but i have to say the shifters performed well. I was puzzled by the long cage rear derailleur and seemingly endless gear selection through the cassette - this is a cross bike, a cross RACING bike - no one needs a 34/36 gear combination. Specialized has a bike line that would merit such a range, and its called the Tricross. Fixing the gear selection issue would add up to 150 dollars to the cost, when a simple 105 level 12-25 cassette and short cage rear mech should have been factored into the initial price of the bike. The FSA Gossamer crank is apparently THE entry level BB30 crank - its fine, just (like so much else on this bike) kind of heavy. Also, the rings were kind of cheap. - 6/10

Other bits: I like the handlebar. With a shallow drop and short throw, it is a marked improvement over my old Control Tech bars I tossed on my CAAD9 last season. The seatpost, saddle and stem were all decent. - 8/10

Overall value: This bike rides better than the sum of its parts, largely due to how well the frame is designed. Everything works together well - even that goofy dinner plate 34 tooth ride-the-run-up big cog. It tracks flawlessly, turns with confidence and suits my riding style (which I think is somewhere between "angry retard" and "excited monkey"). - 8/10

RACE SETUP: And now, the bike I spent almost all season on.

Frame: CruX (seriously guys, we GET that its a CX bike. Drop the capS) alloy. -(9/10)

Cranks: Last years FSA SLKs, 46/36. Light and stiff, my only gripe was the fact that the bearings kept failing after last years slopfest. This year: no issues. Other than that, Unnoticeable. Which is what I like. - 9/10

Slightly-used.

Shifters: SRAM Force from last year. Except for lever damage sustained through extensive Hopengartening, I have been happy with these. My only issue is a weird front ring mis-shift that is as intermittant as it is infuriating, though I cant say if that is a shifter issue or some kind of actual curse. - 8/10

Shopengarten'd

Brakes: Avid Shorty Ultimates. Best. Brakes. Ever. Those 2 hours I spent filing down the brake bosses were totally worth it. - 10/10

Shiny-ish

Wheels: Last years Mavic Ksyrium SL tubulars. Some people love 'em, some hate 'em. Two seasons of abuse and lack of maintenance in, and I think its the best wheelset I have ever owned. Not only do they work well in almost any conditions, the support you can get at races is second to none - my freehub was a little sticky at Gloucester and those guys completely took it apart, cleaned and rebuilt it for free. Honestly, if that is the kind of service you get when you buy one of their products, sign me up for a replacement pair next year. - 9/10

Satisfactory.

Tires: Challenge Grifo 32mm. Awful in almost every way. Ok, that was a bit harsh - they ride fine, handle well in most conditions - but holy crap are they shoddily made. Both of my tires arrived unable to hold air (flat in hours from full inflation). 3 weeks and 2 cans of pit stop later, I notice that the tread is pulling free from the tire. Awesome. Glue it back on. A week and a half later, 2 laps in at DECX and my front tire goes flat. Thinking it was a pinch, I filled it with pit stop after the race. Nothing. Upon closer inspection, I noticed that the valve stem just spun freely in the tire. Fail. - 3/10.

Peely.

Pedals: Shimano XT. I have been riding Time ATACs for years, and they are expensive. The XTs work about as well and are half the cost. Plus, you can more easily dial in your cleat postion (and those cleats are a little cheaper). Done. - 9/10

You dont really need a picture of SPD pedals, do you...


All in all, a great bike. The one great failure were the tires - a mistake I will not make again next year. The lesson: buy cheap shit and you will end up spending more that you would have if you just paid a bit more for higher quality. Lesson learned.